The Manning blogger revealed. . . sort of

After repeated requests for an interview, I finally got the author of The Secret Blog of Patrick Manning to agree to talk to me via IM in the wee hours of this morning. The transcript of our chat is below, lightly edited, with typos corrected and relevant links inserted. I’m none the wiser as to who this person is, but s/he types like the wind and is evidently a night owl.

GP: I’ll start with the question you’re least likely to answer. Who are you?

PM: I’m Patrick Manning, Prime Minister of Trinidad and Tobago.

GP: OK. Let’s try it from a different angle. Are you a journalist? A columnist?

PM: I am Manning.

GP: Some people think you’re a member of the COP.

PM: Ha ha! That’s probably because I joined the “I’m voting COP” group on Facebook. I did that for kicks. I might vote COP for kicks too.

GP: OK, so let’s pretend you’re really Manning. I think one of the reasons people have trouble believing it’s really you is that what you write is sometimes quite funny and occasionally insightful, and you’re not known for having either a sense of humour or great insight.

PM: Hmmm. Well, maybe it’s just that my private persona happens to be more interesting than my public one. But I have to say I am surprised and, frankly, sort of appalled to hear that people find what I write funny, as those are my deepest and most intimate thoughts. Except for the parts about Portia Simpson: I’ll admit I find those rather hilarious.

GP: Why did you decide to start blogging?

PM: If you read the very first entry you’ll see that the whole thing was Minister Sahadeo’s idea. She felt a blog would make me appear more human.

GP: Do you believe it’s achieved that?

PM: I’m not sure. As you say, many people don’t believe it’s really me writing, so I’m not sure I’m getting the full benefit of the added humanity.

GP: Do you plan to mention the blog during the campaign season?

PM: That’s something we’re discussing at the moment. Many PNM supporters have no idea what a blog is. Some of them don’t even know what the Internet is. Some members of the party believe it could backfire on us and come off as elitist.

GP: Speaking of elitist, why don’t you write in dialect?

PM: Because my inner voice speaks a stilted variety of standard English.

GP: Hazel writes in dialect.

PM: Yes. Good for her. She does that to try and sound like she’s one of the people. I have no such pretensions.

GP: Do you write the Hazel entries?

PM: No, Hazel writes those.

GP: If you are actually Manning, then is it possible that the Dookeran and Panday who leave comments are actually Dookeran and Panday?

PM: It’s hard to tell. All I know is that they’re using up my bandwidth. They need to get their own blogs.

GP: Why do you think that, in this copycat nation of ours, we haven’t seen the appearance of secret blogs from the likes of Panday and Dookeran and Meighoo?

PM: That is a good question. But as I wrote in one of my latest entries, blogging is not easy. First of all, you need to have interesting thoughts, which these fellas do not have. Could you imagine a Meighoo blog? It would put the tranquiliser manufacturers out of business! Blogging also requires a certain level of commitment and character; you need to be prepared to go the full mile. If I were a voter, I’d take the fact that those fellas aren’t keeping secret blogs as a sign of their lack of political stamina and vote for the PNM.

I wouldn’t mind reading a Kamla blog, though–that woman looks like she has some real cocoa in the sun. And too bad Oma Panday probably can’t string a sentence together. I could see her becoming the Jackie Collins of blogging.

GP: While none of the other political leaders is keeping a blog, the COP does have a very strong presence on Facebook.

PM: I’m on Facebook too. I have 52 friends, and they’re all genuine. I hear Dookeran is paying people to friend him on Facebook.

GP: Is it true that one of your Facebook friends threatened to out you?

PM: Can you believe that???

GP: He/she didn’t believe it was really you?

PM: She told me she wouldn’t stand for anybody impersonating me, and that she would report me to the Facebook high command if I refused to tell her whether I was really me. Imagine being accused of impersonating yourself and being told you have to prove that you’re not.

GP: Will you continue to blog after elections take place on - what was the date again?

PM: Ha ha! You think you are smart. As to whether I’ll continue blogging, that depends.

GP: On whether you win?

PM: That’s not even funny.

GP: Do you feel the blog would be less meaningful or interesting if people knew your true identity?

PM: I told you, I am Manning. But if you Trinis want to believe I’m somebody else, that’s fine with me too.

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